Friday, August 19, 2011

childhood secrets

his eyelashes were like golden foils placed delicately above and below his eyes. He had a boyish lust and after i had gotten over him, or the idea of him, he wasnt as handsome as he use to be. His crooked teeth no longer seemed cute. His dirty nails were just that and i had no time for his hands anymore. no longer wished them on my body. He had returned finally to that place in time where he was just another boy that i continued to overlook, bypass. He no longer made my heart flutter like a million monarch butterflies, no longer made me replay silly, simple sentences over in my head in fear they would come out all jumbled and stuttered through a body full of nerves. My friends always wondered and questioned what it was that i saw in him and i would gush and words would come spilling out of my mouth too quickly, proclaiming how beautiful he was, and always ending it with "you really dont think so?!" and i guess now i understand why they had said it. They knew he had my heart, I had given it to him too easily on a silver platter, including silverware to destroy it, eat it, and spit it out at me. i only miss his eyelashes though. and maybe his laugh and the way he would ask me if i was sleepy, and take my hand and lead me to his room. It always made me feel special. That hand in mine, it made me feel like i was right on the cusp of being a child and also an adult, but with a secret. It was like whispering a secret into a childhood friends ear and knowing they would keep it forever. That hand. and those eyelashes. those are really the only things i miss.

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